Late nights and no life

So its 4:55am and nope I'm not asleep, I'm up doing absolutely nothing so I thought I would blog since alot has been comming up in my head. Lately I've been interacting with my computer more than I am actual people. This seriously needs to change. I'm not even interacting with people on the internet. I'm like a web voyer. I just watch. I watch people on youtube, I watch people in movies, I watch people on shows. And its not because I'm some creepy stalker, its because this is my life at the moment. All my friends have dropped me and honestly I still don't know why. So i'm starting to live vicariouly thought the people I watch. I think thats a bit more creepy than being a stalker. And a bit more sad. At least stalkers have a life, their life is stalking people. My life is nothing right now. I've decided this needs to change and so do I.

First on my list of recreating myself is working out and losing weight. I feel like if I can make my body into the person I feel I am people will finally be able to just see me instead of just my weight and then hopefully I can be treated like an equal. So a few days ago I got working on my kick ass body. I'm eating less and more healthy and i'm swimming every night. I'm going to add more working out eventually, but I figure i'll start with baby steps.... Actually now that I think about it fuck baby steps man I need a girlfriend. My life of the lonely and hopeless is getting depressing and boring. So yes I'm going to add more working out I don't know what yet, but i'll let you know probably tommorrow when I start it. It will most likely be the eliptical becase that thing burns a ton of calories. And I need a good body fast if I want an edge in the gay teen world. Gay teens are picky and if I want to get a girlfriend I need to be hot shit. So, yes that is first on my list. Actually this list isn't even in order its just a list so nothing is of greater importance.

Secondly, meeting people is huge for me. I want friends and I want a girlfriend. But, not only do I want friends I want gay friends. So what I have started to do it go to the LGBT center out here. Its like and hour and a half away from me, but my mom has committed to taking me once a week and we found another one a little closer to me. I went once so they could talk to me and see who I was and introduce me to people. The next time I go ( to either one of them ) I'm going to go to their teen group. If you're in the same situation as me a highly recoment a teen group and finding an lgbt center. Going alone is really awkward, but if you're taking that step to put yourself out there for other people it has to be done. And thats what I'm doing I'm making the step to meet new people so I can have a life again. Because I should be interacting with people more than I interact with my computer. And I should have a life rather than watching people live theirs. So I'm going to do that because I reconize a problem and I'm going to fix it.

THIRD!!!! lol I got a little excited. I'll bring it down now. Third on my summer to do list is to fix up my style, well lack there of. Honestly, I've just been dressing like a bum. I know how I want to look, but I start acting pathetic and depressed and just live with the clothes i'm in because I don't think i'll fit me and i pick up these stupid funny shirts that shouldn't actually be worn. I'm done with that. I need to start dressing like the person I am inside so I can attract the sort of people that will like me. If i'm dressing like shit i'm going to attract other shitty dressing, self loathing, depressed people. I don't need that. I'm enough for myself. I'm going to start dressing alot better. I think first I'm going to start wearing some nice v necks. I'll start posting pictures of my oufits that I buy.

I am set on transforming my life. I'm being pathetic just wating for things to happen. I need to go make them happen. So I'm going to go do it.

If you're a gay teen:

queerattitude.com
thegyc.com
afterellen.com
afterelton.com
gaywired.com
shewired.com
my blog... lol

If you're bored hit me up on aim its onebeastlyboxer

and comment me! Please? I really want to know what you guys think, I want to know what you want me to write about or what you think would be cool for me to do or just say what you liked what you didn't like. And recomend it to people. Pimp out if you want.