First I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Lynn, a 14 year old girl living in the suburbs of Chicago, Illinois. I knew I was different early on when I fell for a girl named Sarah in preschool. She would play tag with me at recess and I thought we were a match made in rainbow heaven. At the time I knew it wasn't "normal" to like girls, so I kept my mouth shut about the fact that I did. I never thought of it as an issue until a sort of life altering moment in first grade.
When I was in first grade and kind of getting into my own style it was extremely apparent that i was boyish and on one occassion I used this to my advantage. My best friend in first grade was a boy named Steven. At school we did everything together and told each other everything. We even talked about girls and it was a great friendship. The only thing he eventually found out I wasn't a guy and we never talked again. Looking back at that I can see how much that moment formed the rest of my fucked up elementary school years.
From second through 4th grade I thought I was a guy and 'til this day I have gender issues. I rememer once in third grade we were talking at lunch and asking eachother who we would date if we were the oppisite sex. It was a long time ago, but I still remember thinking " why can't I just be a girl and date her?".
There were rumors about me in 6th grade and I was outed in 7th. About a month after I was outed I just went with it. I knew that I was the only out kid at that school so I fucking took my raging gayness and made it known. because I knew I was comfortable enough with myself to be out and proud so the kids that were in the closet knew that they weren't alone. Everyone at my middle school knew I was gay even teachers knew and supported me. I had friends drop me and I gained friends. I even had a friend drop me, harrass me, have her friend harass me, avoid me, then appolgize to me for doing so because she finally saw that I was just another kid the same as her. It was just that she like boys and I liked girls. We weren't even close friends. And I came out to my mom when I was 13.
Well, I'm 14 now and as soon as the school year starts up again I will be a sophmore. Being a gay teenager kind of sucks ass. I never went back into the closet because I strongly believe that I am helping at least one person by being out. So most people know i'm gay. I don't go around screaming it, but it you ask, i'll tell. I had to deal with a homophobic math teacher. I had this plan where whenever she said something fucking stupid I was going to launch a rock at her face. We won't get into her though. I'll just say that she was a bitch and if I see her walking down the street and I just so happen to have a paintball gun something might go down....
So yeah, this was my intro. This blog is mostly just going to be about my life as an out gay teen and trying to find gay friends and about how I lost my friends and what not.
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